Avalokiteshvara and Shechinah
quick sketch in jail
Avalokiteshvara and Shechinah
I see your name on my call sheet, a new name requesting the Jewish Chaplain, and then I see you’ve also requested the Buddhist Chaplain. I’m here for you, for both of these requests. As I type your name onto my spreadsheet, I already notice that I feel heat in my body. Anger at the system, I’m clinging to a desire for abolition. I’m angry because I’m in the “women’s jail” and your gender marker reads “male.” I think, “I’m definitely coming to see you first today.” You’re down in the hole, solitary confinement.
Even though you’re in the hole, I ask the deputies to pull you out of your cell so we can meet face to face (panim el panim). Your hair is piled high on your head. You’ve just woken up from a nap. I ask you for the name you want to be called, and you tell me. It’s not the masculine one listed on my call sheet. I take a breath to re-focus, trying to forget about the recent lawsuit we’ve filed to protect trans inmates.
You tell me your story. It’s no different from the other women I see. History of trauma, addiction, survival sex work, a string of desperate decision led you here (again). This time you’ll likely go to prison. 9 years you tell me. You are crying. We both wear face masks, because there’s a new covid outbreak in the jail.
I ask you to say more about requesting the Jewish and Buddhist chaplains. Your mother was Jewish, and even though you know “very little” about Judaism, you “feel a connection.” And you want to learn to meditate to help manage your anxiety and withdrawal symptoms. I see your hands shaking, just like the others who are on strong medications or detoxing.
Though your tears, you tell me about being a women in this “scary world,” and about being a trans women in a women’s jail. You say, “thankfully they transferred me here from the men’s jail.” Again, I try with my breath to re-focus, but secretly wonder if your transfer was in relation to our demand letter on behalf of trans-identified inmates at the men’s jail.
I want to offer you spaciousness to speak from your heart. Our conversation winds and winds for quite some time. The deputies watching us, look annoyed at me for keeping you out of your cell for so long. I don’t care. I’m here with you, and this conversation is holy.
We meander various topics about Judaism, Buddhism and gender…you ask questions…I tell you about Avlokiteshavra and Shechinah.
Avlokiteshvara
Bodhisattva
Committed to helping others attain liberation in their times of trouble
11 faces
Different genders, completely expansive
Representing Buddha’s compassion
I sing to you the Avlokiteshvara chant and you hum along. Silently to myself, I remember my teacher Thich Nhat Hahn said, “Avlokiteshvara is the enlightened one who knows how to listen to the suffering within themself and the suffering of the word. I hear his voice chanting with the monastics: Om Namo Avalokiteshvara. With this chant he says:
“…you can go back to yourself and listen to the suffering inside. Understanding your compassion will arise from that kind of practice. You understand your suffering. You understand the suffering the suffering of your father, your mother, your ancestors. You understand the suffering of your people. Your country. You understand the suffering of the Earth, of our society. And an understanding like that will help love and compassion to arise. And when compassion arises, you suffer less right away. There is a transformation and healing taking place.”
Shechinah
Indwelling presence of Divine Feminine
Our Bride
Like the Moon, reflecting divine light into the world
Loving Mother energy
I sing to you a Shefa Gold chant:
Va’ani matzati menucha mitachat kanfay HaSh’china
Under the Wings of Shechinah I have found my rest.
And, I sing to myself, too, and remember to rest into the Not Knowing, and trust in Shechinah.
You’re humming along, and now the deputies are really looking at us. We giggle with each other under our covid masks. Feeling the Indwelling Presence of Avalokiteshvara and Shechinah, feeling the protection. Feeling the comfort. Feeling the divine feminine joy.
