Explorations in Chesed
Embodiment practice
I want to tell you about my explorations of chesed. Chesed, a Hebrew word pronounced with a guttural ‘ch’ sound.
But before I can tell you about my explorations, I want to tell you what wise ones say about chesed:
They say that chesed is embodied by giving oneself with love and compassion. Chesed is love in action.
They connect chesed to lovingkindness, as an overflow of beneficence towards someone who has no right at all to claim it from us.
Chesed is Love. Altruism. Compassion. Embodied.
They say that it’s not just lovingkindness as it’s usually translated, but also courage and imagination (Rabbi Zornberg).
They say that the Torah begins and ends with chesed (Rabbi Simlai, Talmud).
They say, the world is built with chesed (Psalms 89:3). OLAM CHESED YIVANEH: G-d’s love is everlasting.
They say that HaShem—the Great Mystery, Cosmic Constant, Source of Life—is chesed. That HaShem’s love for the children of Israel is CHESED SHEL EMET, or true kindness, a kindness that cannot be returned.
They say that the world rests on three things: Torah, service to the Divine, and bestowing lovingkindness. (Pirkei Avot 1:2)
Chesed is a form of tzedakah towards tikkun olam.
A person who embodies chesed is a chasid, one who goes above and beyond.
They say that chesed is a spark, a proactive action…a powerful spark that initiates subsequent action.
They say chesed is the 1st step of action. And, step 2 is “thought,” but step 1 is “deed.” Chesed is the beginning. They say being 1st isn’t about a hierarchy, it’s about the essence…there’s something about being the very 1st that nothing else in the universe shares. Every action in the universe has a cause, except the very 1st spark of action. Chesed, from what we can see, is without cause, just a proactive expression of expansiveness.
We’re told that chesed is an act that has no cause and is an act that is recycled back, since it causes further proactive actions.
From a Kabbalistic or mystical perspective, chesed was the motivation for the creation of the world because light was created on the first day, and infinite light—the light of chesed, illuminated all other creations. The divine spark of chesed lit the entire universe.
I want to tell you about YOU, about US. We are made from sparks of chesed. Your Ner Tamid, your soul’s eternal flame is lit from the spark of chesed.
Chesed is the 4th of the 10 sefirot on the Tree of Life. Chesed precedes all others because it’s the only one that is unconditional and unmotivated.
Chesed is the right hand of G-d.
Chesed is in balance with gevurah, or restrictive power. The strength and restraint of gevurah compliments the overwhelming light of chesed. Balance. Equanimity.
In between chesed and gevurah is tiferet, mercy and compassion. Merging into Beauty.
Chesed is the color white.
Chesed is the number four. Stability. Organized. Protective.
Chesed is ruled by Jupiter. Wealth and prosperity. Spiritual and intellectual growth.
Chesed is Abraham.
Chesed is the right arm.
Chesed is El.
Chesed is water.
Chesed is the Lion.
Gevurah: Power, judgment, the left arm, the color red, Isaac, North, a consuming fire, Elohim, serpent.
Tiferet: Beauty, balance, harmony, truth, uniting the upper 9, the colors purple and green, the Yud Hey Vav Hey, the menorah.
And, before I tell you about my explorations, I’ll tell you a little about me:
I don’t typically talk about myself or my work too broadly. It’s always made me a little uncomfortable, but I’ve been asked to share about my explorations with chesed, so I will—with a prayer that my humble offerings of service might spark more acts of chesed. I’ve spent the past 25 years trying to be of service to the Great Mystery of the Source of Creation, by practicing chesed in various ways.
My professional career is centered in the justice movement. My professional background is in leadership positions within the social and environmental justice movement. For the past 20+ years, I’ve also had a relationship with death and dying, serving as a taharah Rosh for the Chevrah Kadidisha (Jewish Burials Society) and providing support for people and families experiencing loss, grief and trauma. More recently, I also serve as both the Jewish and Buddhist Senior Chaplain in Los Angeles jails, which is largest jail system in the world. And, I am a movement chaplain, providing pastoral counseling and spiritual support for leaders, activists and organizers in the social justice movement. I am also a parent, partner, child and friend.
I’m just a fellow traveler on the path of self-exploration, in a game of Hide and Seek with the Cosmic Constant. As I move through this world and my life, trying to embody chesed, I’m looking for the face of G-d. I‘ve seen Her everywhere: She’s on her hands and knees giving birth and she’s also moving out of the womb and through the birth canal. She is on the death bed, in the taharah room, and in the home of the bereaved. She is in the jail: She is the deputy, the inmate and the chaplain. She is an activist for justice and She’s crying from burnout, trauma and exhaustion. She is celebrating joy and liberation. She is in the closet, and She is also out and proud. She is alone. She’s in community. She is a sex worker. She has a substance abuse disorder. She’s, a civil rights attorney, a dog walker and a beloved dog. She has a complex mental illness. She is a therapist in a crisis of faith. She is a parent and She’s also the child. She is me, and She is also you—when we can recognize our True Selves.
While I’ve centered my life and career on serving others as a way to serve HaShem, I wanted to dedicate six months in conscious exploration of “chesed as an embodiment practice.” I wanted to look for answers to a host of questions I’ve been wrestling with. Questions related to personal motivations or limitations, concerns about racial and religious diversity and inclusion, gender, economic barriers, and more. I wanted to explore where I need to train-up or dig deeper in emergent strategies to more fully embody and practice chesed. I wanted to do some self-exploration around my own boundaries and chesed towards myself.
A guiding question for me is: Can I embody chesed and be of service during this wild moment in history? And, honoring Not Knowing, what do I need to do to further prepare myself to be of service in the coming years?
Without a crystal ball, my True Self knows that the answer to both of those questions is to quiet my mind and open my heart. Always, this is the practice I come back to. But, tachlis, brass tacks, I needed to train-up on de-escalation tactics, deepen my practice of trauma informed care, and give careful consideration as to how I apply my chaplaincy skills to advance specific advocacy goals within the justice movement. I wrestle with if/how I work towards abolition while also providing care in the existing carceral model. I’m exploring what it means to pursue liberation while also acknowledging non-attachment. I am contemplating what an appropriate balance looks like of the duel request often made of me: to provide pastoral counsel for end-of-life support when simultaneously helping them to make their philanthropic legacy in the justice movement before they die.
My 6-month exploration of embodied chesed occurred during the COVID-19 pandemic, which had a significant impact of my delivery of care. This relates directly to my guiding question about this moment and the future; I’m expecting that this will not be the last global pandemic in my lifetime. What lessons I and we have learned that could, G-d forbid, be applied to a future pandemic! Technology. Communication styles. Safety concerns. Authentic connection without touching.
Much, if not most, of my work is confidential, but the blog posts here are anonymous snapshots from my experiences, meditations, frustrations and ideas. I’ve also been making art and taking photographs during this period to capture some of the things I’ve witnessed and felt.
I’m grateful to be pursuing liberation with you.
